I find the process of writing an ad to be annoying at best and down right intolerable and a complete waste of time at worse.
Why?
Because there is no way possible that a few words can completely describe what you are looking for, the typical response just proves my point.
For instance this was my ad on Craig's list:
Female top seeks rope enthusiast -
I am looking for a submissive partner that loves rope and will help me expand my rope skills. I am looking towards learning a lot more in the manner of Japanese/Asian rope skills and need a bottom that is willing to help me learn via practice.
I have been active in the bdsm scene for the last 23 years and although I am skilled in various other forms of play with a partner, I'd really like to develop my bondage skills further. I am not a professional Dominatrix (although I was in the past) but I seek more of a relationship where mutual respect, honesty and friendship is the main element.
If you are interested in a D/s relationship and if my ad is of interest to you then a response to my ad is welcomed.
You would think that ok, pretty much upfront and simple. I thought so as well until emails telling me this came along:
Mistress I'd love to be at your feet and be your submissive, I'd love to wear what ever manner of dress that you would force me to wear. Do you like your male slave to wear panties?
I don't expect intercourse when I was thinking about arousal, I just meant whether you'd let me take care of myself in your presence. Can you give me an idea of what you look like Mz. Carmen.
I'd fall more into the playmate category, with no problem submitting/bottoming during our play time together. I am not a 24 hour/7 days a week submissive kind of guy. Call it very selective submission on my part.
Do you wear High heels? I love women that wear leather or latex and have this thing for high heels. Can you send me a picture of yourself (preferably in high heels) I think I can be your submissive partner.
Of course I also got the typical Male Dom responses as well. You know the type that insist that I really don't want a submissive partner but rather I am looking for a true dominant man to show me the ropes.
Thank you very much I do have one, he's called my Husband and no where in my ad did I notice I was looking for Mr. Domly Dom.
I shudder to think what the response of true lack of would be if I posted such an ad in Alt Bondage or Collerme.
A friend asked do I ever look at the male submissive ads myself, and yes I do but all what begins a promising some times does fizzle.
It's enough to make a girl give up, but then again I have to believe that there is someone out there that is pretty much straight forward and that there is chemistry.
and yes there is the OTHER part.. chemistry.
Let's face it just because you are submissive or dominant if the mojo isn't going on then it's not going on. I think a lot of us would understand this better is we all read that book "Maybe he's just not that into you."
I am greedy, I do want a partner and playmate but I also want someone that makes me get hot and aroused when they submit to me. No I am not looking for the GQ model or the cute button girl. I am looking for someone that when I look at them I think to myself "prey". Looking for that submissive that makes me "want" to grab them by the hair and tell them a lot of nasty things I intend on doing to them.
My dominance isn't a service to someone, it's how I feel sexually and I want there to be this spark and flash that makes tieing someone up a horny and hot event for me as well. Otherwise if all I wanted to do is play then why bother seeking a relationship?
Thus it's a dating game with a bit of kink conversation involved, it means putting out ads, different ads and meeting a lot of folks and "seeing" if that spark is there.
It also means wading through ads and giving a few of them a second chance.
Why?
Because there is no way possible that a few words can completely describe what you are looking for, the typical response just proves my point.
For instance this was my ad on Craig's list:
Female top seeks rope enthusiast -
I am looking for a submissive partner that loves rope and will help me expand my rope skills. I am looking towards learning a lot more in the manner of Japanese/Asian rope skills and need a bottom that is willing to help me learn via practice.
I have been active in the bdsm scene for the last 23 years and although I am skilled in various other forms of play with a partner, I'd really like to develop my bondage skills further. I am not a professional Dominatrix (although I was in the past) but I seek more of a relationship where mutual respect, honesty and friendship is the main element.
If you are interested in a D/s relationship and if my ad is of interest to you then a response to my ad is welcomed.
You would think that ok, pretty much upfront and simple. I thought so as well until emails telling me this came along:
Mistress I'd love to be at your feet and be your submissive, I'd love to wear what ever manner of dress that you would force me to wear. Do you like your male slave to wear panties?
I don't expect intercourse when I was thinking about arousal, I just meant whether you'd let me take care of myself in your presence. Can you give me an idea of what you look like Mz. Carmen.
I'd fall more into the playmate category, with no problem submitting/bottoming during our play time together. I am not a 24 hour/7 days a week submissive kind of guy. Call it very selective submission on my part.
Do you wear High heels? I love women that wear leather or latex and have this thing for high heels. Can you send me a picture of yourself (preferably in high heels) I think I can be your submissive partner.
Of course I also got the typical Male Dom responses as well. You know the type that insist that I really don't want a submissive partner but rather I am looking for a true dominant man to show me the ropes.
Thank you very much I do have one, he's called my Husband and no where in my ad did I notice I was looking for Mr. Domly Dom.
I shudder to think what the response of true lack of would be if I posted such an ad in Alt Bondage or Collerme.
A friend asked do I ever look at the male submissive ads myself, and yes I do but all what begins a promising some times does fizzle.
It's enough to make a girl give up, but then again I have to believe that there is someone out there that is pretty much straight forward and that there is chemistry.
and yes there is the OTHER part.. chemistry.
Let's face it just because you are submissive or dominant if the mojo isn't going on then it's not going on. I think a lot of us would understand this better is we all read that book "Maybe he's just not that into you."
I am greedy, I do want a partner and playmate but I also want someone that makes me get hot and aroused when they submit to me. No I am not looking for the GQ model or the cute button girl. I am looking for someone that when I look at them I think to myself "prey". Looking for that submissive that makes me "want" to grab them by the hair and tell them a lot of nasty things I intend on doing to them.
My dominance isn't a service to someone, it's how I feel sexually and I want there to be this spark and flash that makes tieing someone up a horny and hot event for me as well. Otherwise if all I wanted to do is play then why bother seeking a relationship?
Thus it's a dating game with a bit of kink conversation involved, it means putting out ads, different ads and meeting a lot of folks and "seeing" if that spark is there.
It also means wading through ads and giving a few of them a second chance.
4 comments:
I'm sure you saw my rant on a similar complaint on my LJ. (Look what you made me do, I got a Blogger account now....) Men don't get responses, women get responses that are more autonomic than actual replies. It's sort of a premature ejaculation at the mere prospect of an available woman into ANY form of kink. The details are unimportant.
For some of them, just the chance to bukake your mailbox is all they really want, they don't even CARE if they get a reply, which is why they don't bother to read what you're writing.
Requesting they put a word in the title of their response makes a pretty good filter for those who haven't read it.
Ha!! I made you do something ...Blush.
Well I will tell you that I get a a crap load of email and a lot really don't make sense. I aos get the notion that a lot are simply wanking.
In defense, I do look at the ads and do inquire if they sound genuine. Often though the real gehnuine ones are already taken ****sigh*** or for what ever reason I don't a response back. It's like it certainly wasn't expected.
Thank you for the heads up on the title thing, good point.
I haven't tried Craigslist. But did recently dabble with CollarMe. My responses were:
I know you said no one married but ...
I know you said local only but ...
Will you make me sit to pee?
Shrug.
Yes I know Richard, I get a lot of those. But sometimes there are dimonds in the rough out there and that is my hope.
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